Chivalry in the 21st Century: Evolved or Dead?

Growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, I was steeped in a world where chivalry and sexism were intertwined. Chivalry, defined as polite, kind, or unselfish behaviour, especially by men towards women, was taught as a set of unspoken rules. However, as we evolved into the 21st century, these expectations have transformed, often leaving us in a state of confusion and debate about what constitutes true chivalry in today's society.

The Evolution of Chivalry

In the past, chivalry was heavily prescribed, with men being expected to act in a certain way towards women. For instance, a man should never sit while a woman stands, he should always offer his jacket to a cold woman, carry heavy items, and walk on the pavement to protect women from traffic. These behaviors were not just cultural norms; they were expected and enforced.

Today, these expectations have changed dramatically. Modern society values equality and often views such actions as outdated or even patronizing. For example, offering seats to women on public transportation, unless they are pregnant, with a child, elderly, or disabled, is now seen as unnecessary. While I still have that ingrained sense of chivalry, societal norms and the potential for offense often deter me from acting in such a way.

The Modern Man and Chivalry

Walking on the outside of the pavement still holds a special place in my heart, especially when walking with my children. However, with any other woman, I would have to consciously restrain myself from doing so because it could be seen as sexist. With my son, I can maintain this habit without a second thought. This practice, while well-intentioned, falls under the category of old-fashioned chivalry.

With regard to clothing, I would still offer a jacket to a woman who was not dressed appropriately for the weather, but I would respect a second refusal. However, with my daughters, I insist that they dress appropriately, reminding them that adults should dress for the weather. This can be seen as a form of sexism, as I expect more from women than from men in this regard.

Social Norms and Chivalry

The act of holding doors for others is a simple and unassuming gesture, often done regardless of the gender of the person approaching. Similarly, offering assistance with heavy lifting is a universally accepted form of good manners. However, these acts are often seen as chivalric in the past but now are just basic social expectations.

Chivalry, however, is not dead; it has simply evolved. It now requires a conscious effort to ensure that the noble principles of chivalry are applied in a way that respects everyone's autonomy and dignity. The issue is not that chivalry is unnecessary, but that it must be redefined to avoid being misconstrued as sexism.

Feminism and Chivalry

Some argue that feminism has killed chivalry, but I disagree. Feminism has highlighted the unconscious biases and power structures that were embedded in traditional chivalry. It has brought to light the ways in which men were often expected to remunerate women for their worthiness and has pointed out the persistent double standards in societal expectations.

Chivalry, at its core, is about courtesy and respect, and these traits should be practiced by everyone. However, the way these values are manifested must be carefully considered to ensure they are not reinforcing gender stereotypes and inequalities.

Conclusion

The evolution of chivalry reflects the broader changes in society's approach to gender and equality. While it may seem that chivalry is dead, it is more accurate to say that chivalry has simply adapted to the changing norms and values of modern society. It is a practice that can and should be continued, but it must be done with a conscious effort to be inclusive and respectful. As we move forward, let us strive to redefine chivalry in a way that upholds the values of equality and mutual respect.