The Evolving Tradition of Wedding Funding

Weddings, whether they are first marriages or subsequent ones, traditionally come with a set of unwritten rules when it comes to funding. The idea of the bride’s family shouldering the cost is deeply ingrained in many cultural practices and even modern traditions, commonly known as the dowry. However, as societal norms continue to evolve, so does the financial responsibility for wedding ceremonies.

The Modern Take

In the United States, where there is no longer a single tradition dictating who should pay, most couples find a balance between their own funds and contributions from family members. This shift reflects changes in family dynamics and financial situations over time. Many couples, like the author, opt to manage their big day on their own, finding joy and value in the personal financial decisions they make together.

A Personal Perspective

The author recounts her own personal experience of paying for her wedding, emphasizing that it can be a rewarding journey. She organized a celebration for 100 guests for under $2500, showcasing that a beautiful and meaningful wedding is possible within a more modest budget. Additionally, the author's daughter and her partner also chose to pay for their own wedding, proving that the trend towards shared responsibility is not a fleeting trend but a strong departure from traditional practices.

The Cost of Weddings

The bridal industry has become a battleground of excess, with many weddings costing upwards of $20,000. This is often attributed to the unnecessary extravagances that couples are pressured into, such as expensive venues, food, and attire. The author argues that these expenses might be better spent on putting a down payment on a house, highlighting the practical side of financial planning.

Wedding attire is another area where excess is common. The author advises against the need for a $10,000 gown, suggesting simpler yet elegant alternatives. Similarly, the hiring of professional hair and makeup artists might not be the best choice, as it can alter the natural look and even the groom's ability to recognize his bride.

Modern Invitation Etiquette

The language of wedding invitations has also evolved. Traditionally, invitations would reflect the bride's parents as the hosts of the event, often noting that the groom’s family provided the rehearsal dinner or paid for flowers. However, modern invitations are more likely to state that the couple themselves are the hosts.

For example, an invitation might read, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith invite you to celebrate their union with Alex and Jane on a beautiful summer evening." This shift in wording reflects the changing power dynamics and financial contributions from both parties. In some cases, the divide can be more pronounced, such as in the author's son's wedding where a 4-way split funded the event.

Conclusion

While the traditional system of funding a wedding is still common in some families, especially those adhering to western bridal practices, this is changing. Modern couples are taking control of their wedding budgets, seeing it as an opportunity to invest in their future rather than accumulating financial stress. Regardless of who pays for the wedding, it should be a celebration that the couple envisions, not one dictated by social norms or traditional expectations.