Understanding Western Perceptions of Arranged Marriages: A Cultural Insight from an Asian Perspective

As an Asian individual living in the West, I often find myself explaining the nuances between arranged marriages and forced marriages. Many Westerners conflate these two concepts, but they are not the same at all.

The Nature of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages are generally not as straightforward as parents simply saying, "Here’s someone, marry them." Instead, it involves seeking compatibility and mutual understanding between two individuals. The process often includes:

Maintaining cultural and social consistency: Matching with someone from a similar background, with the approval of community members. Pre-marrying meetings: Discussing practical aspects like future plans, raising children, and relationship management. Physical and emotional compatibility: While physical attraction is important, the meeting also involves asking tough questions to ensure alignment with one's values and goals.

The Role of Commitment in Arranged Marriages

Unlike romantic love, where one might overlook certain flaws due to emotional investment, arranged marriages allow for a more measured approach. Here, both parties maintain their commitment to making a match work until a particular stage:

Commitment to form: During meetings, one can freely walk away if red flags appear, without emotional entanglement. Avoidance of emotional blindness: By maintaining a rational and distance-oriented approach, individuals can make informed decisions even before emotional attachment forms. Focus on long-term compatibility: Unlike spontaneous love, arranged marriages focus on the long-term viability of the relationship.

Does Falling in Love Come First?

Many Westerners believe that falling in love is essential for marriage. However, the concept of falling in love first is less emphasized in arranged marriages:

Propensity to fall in love: While some people do fall in love during arranged marriages, the initial connection is often based on broader compatibility and shared values. Slow development of love: Love often develops gradually, and the depth of commitment is not questioned until after a significant period.

Cultural Perspectives on Dowry

A common misconception about arranged marriages is the notion of dowry. While dowry practices vary, they can play a positive role in financial security:

Muslim dowry: In the Muslim tradition, dowry is given directly to the bride, not the family. This ensures that the woman has a financial safety net, regardless of future circumstances. Female empowerment: The dowry system provides women with financial independence, which can empower them to make independent choices and thrive. Choice and autonomy

Arranged Marriages vs. Love Marriages

I have observed several instances where arranged marriages lead to more stable relationships compared to love marriages. Here are some examples:

Example 1: Romantic Love and Dissatisfaction

Marrying based on infatuation: One friend fell in love with her partner quickly but didn't question his lifestyle, such as frequent partying. As a result, she eventually chose to leave the marriage after recognizing her unhappiness. Importance of pre-marital questions: If the friends had met through an arranged marriage, they would have discussed potential problems earlier, possibly avoiding the need for divorce.

Example 2: Friendship and Conflict

Insta-love and conflicts over friend-ship: Another couple instantly fell in love and faced conflicts over a friendship. Divorce followed due to other unresolved differences. Alternative outcome through arranged marriage: If this couple had met through an arranged marriage, they could have asked questions about their mutual relationships and avoided the need for divorce.

Conclusion

While romantic love is a deeply personal experience, arranged marriages offer a more structured and rational approach to finding a compatible life partner. The cultural emphasis on long-term compatibility and mutual understanding in arranged marriages can lead to more stable and happy unions.

Key Takeaways:

Arranged marriages focus on long-term compatibility Dowry can serve as a financial safety net for women Western perceptions often misinterpret the nature of arranged marriages