Navigating Calorie Counting in Eating Disorder Recovery: A Journey to Health and Freedom

Hi there,

First off—congratulations for being brave enough to give recovery a go. I am 4 months into recovery after 15 long years of having an eating disorder and I know it isn’t easy—especially in the beginning—so I am just so proud of you for choosing to try.

The Early Struggle with Calorie Counting

I was obsessed with counting calories myself and continued to do so in the very beginning of my recovery. It wasn’t helpful though. My eating disorder found a way to manipulate it and ensure that even if I happened to be “following my meal plan,” I was choosing the lowest calorie options available on it.

I talked to my dietitian, who herself used to have an eating disorder, and she told me in a very straightforward way that I just had to rip the bandaid and delete my calorie counting app and stop. No matter how much it scared me or how much it made me feel I was losing control. I knew she was right but was still hesitant. That evening, I got home and told my husband what she had said and also asked him. He agreed with her and asked me to delete it in front of him right then and there. Reluctantly, I did. I was petrified, and my ED screamed at me that I was letting go of my control and that by deleting it, I would suddenly start eating too much. But that was just my eating disorder manipulating me again as it has always tried to do.

Embracing Freedom from Calorie Counting

Honestly, now I am so glad that I got rid of it. It was absolutely holding me back and was an unhealthy behavior directly tied to my eating disorder. My dietitian had said that it would be a journey to completely let go of, but despite deleting it, by now I likely knew the calories in most things even without the app. Which was true. I still do struggle with not reading the nutritional information on things and trying to fight against that eating disorder voice in my head when it wants me to choose the thing that is the least calorically dense. However, over time, I’ve started to care less and less about how many calories, fats, sugars, or carbohydrates something has in it. While I’d be lying if I said it was gone entirely, it has gotten a lot better, and I’m now able to choose things that would’ve once been considered too high in calories or certain macronutrients.

The Freedom and Benefits of Letting Go

There is a great freedom that comes with this. It allows you to actually choose the foods you want to choose without tallying up all the calories of the day and trying to remain under a particular number. It has allowed me to not just follow my meal plan but to fully embrace it and choose options on there that I wouldn’t have had I been counting the calories in them. So now, I am so glad that I got rid of it.

So, with all of that being said—if you are committed to this recovery attempt and truly want to get well, you need to be working on letting go of all your eating disorder behaviors. It will take time to let go of them all, and recovery is a journey, but a great place to begin is by stopping this particular behavior. It may feel scary and that it will make you feel out of control and uncomfortable, and initially, it will. But after some time, it will begin to feel freeing, and it will end up benefiting both you and your recovery.

The Importance of Letting Go

As hard as it may be, rip the bandaid and just as I did—let go of this. You’ll be grateful for it in the long run. If you would ever like someone to talk to who may understand what you’re going through, please reply and let me know. I would be more than happy to chat privately and offer any support I can. I myself have been chatting with a few others on here for a while, some of them are in recovery just like me, and some are fully recovered. Talking to both has provided me with a positive impact in realizing I am not alone in what I’m going through and in giving me hope that things do get better.

It’s of course entirely up to you and regardless of what you choose, I truly wish you the very best on this journey. You’ve got this! Don’t let that sneaky ED win!